This is a project about self-expression, identity, and exploring my autism. It is a very personal body of work. I am taking the viewer on an exploration through the inner workings of my mind. Msitua is a very intimate exploration. Each image captures the daily motions of my autism, making Msitua a visual representation of my mind.
I wanted to create this project because there have always been stereotypes and negative connotations relating to autism for several years. These stereotypes and stigmas made me believe autism was something I should be ashamed of. Not until recently, through this project, have I begun to accept my autism as part of myself.
The lack of education on the subject within society left me unable to fully understand myself and my identity within autism and left me feeling ashamed about it. But recently, I have begun to inform myself and understand autism, allowing me to accept myself as being neurodiverse. Msitua is not only for the public and allowing them to understand my personal journey and story within my autism. It is also for me to explore my own identity and what it truly means to me to be at one with my autism.
To carry out this project, I took self-portraits to capture whenever I felt too overstimulated, during moments of intimacy. I found it emotionally draining as I had to become vulnerable on camera so publicly during my shutdowns and overstimulated moments. On the other hand, this also makes the images much rawer. I used different ways to distort my face to express how I felt in the moment of taking the images.
My main motivation for doing this project is to create public awareness of autism, removing the negative stigmas that are usually associated with it, and communicating that autism should not be glamourised. My other motivation for this project was allowing myself to understand my own personal identity within autism and allowing myself to express my identity without fear through Msitua.
Jamila Fadhlaoui is London based freelance photographer; she explores her Identity through visual language. Jamila has always been drawn to the layers of her identity and through her art she communicates her ‘self’ through visual language.